Utter Despair
by Android 18 fan
Summary: This is a POV to Android 18's utterly depairing past, before she was turned into an Android by the maniac Gero.


**Disclaimer: Well i AM STILL GOING TO FINISH 'Be careful what you wish for'. In fact i already have some written out for the last chapter, i just have been a bit busy going to the beach and all. I decided to write this piece because I felt like it. That is a good reason, lol. This is going to be kind of full of emotion if i can help it. It's a reflection to my story 'Be careful what you wish for'. Oh, and most people don't read the other chapters of it because they don't know what they're missing. The next chapters are better.**

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No!! My whole life, taken; cut off by the hands of that putred old man, Gero. How could this have happened?! If it's not one thing it's another! I thought my parents were as bad as it could get, but obviously I was wrong! I hate Gero, i swear! There must be something missing inside that man to have taken my brother and I's lives! No freedom...No nothing anymore...Not even the freedom of speech...Well, we could still talk freely, but not without expecting a slap in the face.

I can't...even remember my past anymore, back when i was all human. Mother...I know I had a mother...And a father...But why do I feel so much hate, just at the mention of their names? What did they do to me that I can not remember? It hurts so bad! I don't even feel loved or wanted anymore! Did i EVER feel loved or wanted?! Or has it always been this way?! Why, oh why me?! Why is it always ME?! Ughhh!! Even though...I feel this hate for them, it still does not satisfy my curiousity...Mommy...Daddy?! Who were you to me?! Where are you right now? Are you guys alive? Or...dead?

Wait...What's this? Dad? Is that you? Somethings telling me it's you...But...I can't even trust my own self. You look so mad...Why? Hey...Is that me, the one up against the wall, cowaring in what looks to be fear? What's going on? This view is so blurry...You have a beer bottle in your hand, don't you, Dad? So you were an alcoholic. Hey! What are you doing?! That's me, your daughter! How could you possibly do that to me, your own flesh and blood?! No!! So is this why I hate you?! Oh please tell me you won't hit me again! It hurts so bad as if it's happening all over again!! DADDY!!

Hey, it's all gone. Where'd it go? Now i see something else...It's even blurrier this time. It's my Mommy, isn't it? Whoah, she looks ticked off! But what the heck for? Did I do something, maybe? I'm sure you wouldn't hit me like Dad...Or would you? After all, I hate you too!! Man...Where is all this rage coming from? I don't even know for sure why I hate her and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs that I hate her! Wait a second! What's that in her hand...It's not very big...Whatever it is. I can't make out what it is. But i see me on the ground...crawling? No..Not you too Mommy!! How could you?! THATS A GUN IN YOUR HAND, I SWEAR IT IS!! Put it down, put it down! Hey...Who just pushed you to the ground? It's a man...He took it out your hand? So that's how I survived, huh?

No fair! Everything's dark again! Wait...What's that? Listen...

Bang, Bang!!

"You'll never be any better than your father or I.."

Bang, Bang!!

"You ugly piece of useless crap.."

Bang, Bang!!

"You'll always be weak!"

Bang, Bang!!

"I never cared an ounce for you, you worthless excuse of a daughter.."

Bang, Bang!!

"I never wanted anything to do with you- ever! You were just an endless punching bag for when things didn't go my way!"

And one final...BANG!!

Mom...Was...that really you saying all those hate feeled things? How could I have been cursed with such a hateful mother? Maybe it's a good thing I don't remember the rest...Because this already hurts enough. I guess not even hate can heal the pain from then...Were those guns shots coming from me? Or did someone else...murder my Mom? I don't want to be a murderer..But I am what I am.

So...I really was never loved. I don't deserve love, anyhow. If my own mother could say that...Then i must really be ugly...no better than them, weak, and most of all...unloved. My brother doesn't count...Speaking of him, I wonder how he feels about this? Hopefull he is doing tons better than me.

How dare Gero...I can't remember my own name anymore!! H-how dare he?! I can' wait until I get my hands on him!! Or better yet...You..Yes, you...Whats-your-name, Goku...You have a life...People who love you, cherish you...You've never had to live without, have you, you spoiled monkey man?! I swear, I'll show you!! I will show you how it is to feel unloved and all alone!! But then again...Gero comes first...after all...I wouldn't be in this painful, body-changing expiriment if it wasn't for him. Hey...thats him! I hear his footsteps...Oh, I'm gonna make sure i put up a good fight this time...If he doesn't use that darn drug again. (Don't confuse that with him drugging her to rape her...cuz it aint...Its for her to be immobolized where he can expiriment on her)

Remember...I'm coming for you, Goku...

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**Disclaimer: Like, or no like? I was in a hurry at the end, sorry! But This was kind of a spoiler...Sorry folks, lol. It was not too much of one anyhow. Well, please review...At least once please!! DX And ya know what is weird...I sometimes get real into the beginning of these stories that are POV's and am all like...mushy and gushy when it's about 18's past..Like I think it helps me write it better.**


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